Friday, August 16, 2013

Acting out in my fear

While driving with me girls who were all but bouncing off the car walls. Anyone with a 2 and/or 5 year old will agree.  The constant back and forth of questions , screams, fighting, chatter from the backseat was making the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up.  While sitting at a light my baby asked one more question that I quickly snapped a response too.

 Then it happened. The car went pin drop quiet.

She said in the smallest, sweetest, calmest voice "Mommy, are you mad at us?"

I felt like an ass and wanted to cry.  My kids are so happy and so full of life and I was so wrapped in my own crap I didn't want to be bothered.  I responded "No, mommies never mad at you I just wasn't thinking. I apologized."  She said ok and went right back into 20 questions.  

I let my stuff spill out on my kids and I am so sorry for that.  They really are angels and my greatest accomplishments.  I would hate to let my fears and worry screw them up.  So I've been trying to make a conscious effort to not let my stuff (fear, doubt,frustration) come out on others. Its just not fair to them and it doesn't show my true self. 


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